Ache
by Denisa.D
Summary: Divergent One shot. Takes place 4 years after Allegiant, Tris' POV. A "Tris is alive but Tobias doesn't know" kind of story. Inspired by the song 'So Cold'. If you listen to the song whilst reading, you'll probably cry! pansycakes...;P ;) D.D xox


**_Hey peeps_** **! Long time no see, but I'm back, and hopefully to stay;)  
hope you enjoy this oneshot and I recommend that you listen to the song 'So Cold' by Ben Cocks. It's what I listened to and if you're faint of heart, it should make you cry!**

 **If you want the other two stories updated, leave me a pm or a review, otherwise...  
Enjoy! :D**

 **D.D xox**

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My heart aches.

Every second that I stare at the picture in my hands tears threaten to spill, again. Every inch of my skin craves the fire I felt when we touched, the electricity flowing through my veins.  
But he's not here, because of me. And all I can do I sit here and cry.  
I miss his laugh, his rough morning voice, his strong arms pulling me onto the train.

We used to fit perfectly, my neck resting on his shoulders, his chin on my head.

All the pain we went through, all the arguments we had, all the times we lied to each other. I want to take them all back. To tell him that we were wrong. To tell him that we can be mended. That we won't be broken forever.  
I should've known better. But now it hurts me more.

I wipe my cheeks with my palms, my heart breaking with every memory.

A small body comes towards me and wraps their arms around my neck. I wrap them around his small frame and hold him tight, tears soaking the black t-shirt.  
"Mummy, why you crying?"  
I take a deep breath.  
"Sometimes, Toby, I'm not as strong as you think." He pulls away and I gesture for him to sit on my lap.  
"But you always tell me to be brave.."  
I sigh deeply. "Before I came here, I _was_ brave. I had someone who helped me be strong everyday, who told me the exact same words I always tell you,"  
"Was it him?" He points at the man in the picture, and I nod. i grip the picture tighter; the only memory of him i have left.

It doesn't get easier. It's been four years and the pain just gets worse everyday. The only reason to stay strong is Toby. His full rosy cheeks and his brown locks reminding me of him, of Tobias. But his deep blue eyes are a feature of him nobody else will ever have, the blue like the starry sky on the night of capture the flag.

Memories won't ever erase from my brain, and sometimes I hate it. It reminds me of the moments I will never get to have again. But sometimes I'm grateful they won't.  
So I can remember his touch, his voice, his eyes. His strong arms fitting me to him.

I am grateful for the moments we shared, and I don't regret my sacrifices, but rather the consequences.

He will never get to see his son.  
He will never get to tell me he loves me, or share a kiss again.  
Guilt courses through me and I stifle a sob. Toby's grip on me tightens and so does mine.  
I look down to see his concentrated face and hold him closer to my chest. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and kiss his forehead softly.

He closes his eyes, sleep overtaking him gently.

The picture sits in my hand, my fingers gently brushing over it.

Today is choosing day.  
Four years ago, I chose to be brave, to give my blood to dauntless.  
But I feel weaker than ever.

I never really depended on him to this point. But when I lost him, something broke inside of me. And no matter how much you try to glue something back together, the scar will always be there.

Four years have gone. Four years without him. Four years which should be been spent with him.

Four, the person I broke. Four, the person who became Tobias because of me, because of my strength.

Four years since I disappeared. Four years without me.  
Four years in which he probably mended the wounds left by me. He is not broken. Not anymore. Four years is a long time to heal.

But I am, without him.  
And _I_ can't be mended.

Only he can mend me.  
Just a glance, a kiss, a word.

Just one more..just to make me whole again.

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 **hope you enjoyed!** ** _Please review ;)_**

 **much love,**

 **D.D xox**


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